The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
