you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
