I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
