look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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