I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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