my mouth tastes like poor choices
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
