chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
