dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
