I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
