Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
