I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
