he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
