i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
