Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
