I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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