During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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