overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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