Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
