the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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