I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
