How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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