how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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