We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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