i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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