my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
