I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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