I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I love you. Go after that dick
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize