he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
