Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
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Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
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There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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