when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
