is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
