For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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