I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
