it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
