Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize