You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
