Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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