Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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