He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
