when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
