I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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