I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
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