I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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