margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
