She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
