shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
its liver damage thursday
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
