Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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