somebody snuck up and got me drunk
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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