I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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