whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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