i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
