i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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