I accidentally had phone sex last night
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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