I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
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I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
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I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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