At least make sure they are 18
Why
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
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Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
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When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize