Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
