I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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