Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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