sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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