I skipped work to stalk him.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
