there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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