are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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