She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
