I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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