false alarm. still invincible.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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