Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
