I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
