I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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