Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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