Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
