What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
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I love how my cats smell like pot.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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