that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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