Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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