You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
