So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
