Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
