16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
