weddingsv make me drug and hornr
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
